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The numbers do not lie…

Today I stepped on the scale and weighed in just ounces under 160 pounds. I’ve watched my weight gain with a frown but found it difficult to garner the willpower to fight the numbers.

I lost 60 pounds and kept it off in the face of illness and stress for over two years. But as hip and knee challenges slowed my fitness and I went from running to walking, I misplaced my enthusiasm and my discretion in making choices that benefitted my health. Fatigue set in, and inflammation. I found myself questioning the spiral and amazed at the psyche that was craving M&M’s (that are cursedly gluten free) when my mind once craved a healthy smoothie with spinach.

In 2004 I graduated from massage school and I weighed 204 pounds. My lowest weight was just prior to my diagnosis with Celiac Disease where I had my lowest weight of 141. I understand that Celiac had my body struggling for nourishment, and part of my weight loss was spurred by the disease, but I was journaling my food intake and using measuring cups for portion control. I logged on to SparkPeople.com every day and I tracked the calories I burned in each workout. I ran 3-4 times a week.

Now, I’ve become almost sedentary. I work in a group home where there is a lot of stress. And where I am physical on my job, I find it difficult to get off my butt when I am home. I am struggling. Yet I have the knowledge of past success and how to get that weight coming off once more.

What has stopped me? I am fearful of pain. I have no health insurance. I want to run, but know I need to start at a walk. Yet when I head out to the gym, or trail my body wants that rush of running down the trail.

That number 160—it is unacceptable! I will not continue on this path. I will lose the weight. Today I had a smoothie and a salad. It is a start.

11/22 AEDM–Reflective

vio_selfport1a-2335

I love that feeling of openness. The little voice in my head said quick turn here and I pulled into the parking lot near Viosport and walked to the back up a parking ramp. There I was surprised by my reflection. I am still getting used to this “me.”

When you have been overweight for over 2 decades. You are shocked looking at photos of the heavy you. I liked to think of myself as the Young Kim at her ideal weight and was always shocked at photos of the Heavy Kim.

Now, I am shocked at the Skinny Kim, cause she is not that teenager at her ideal weight. I am a mature woman, a grandmother, and fit. It is all a bit surreal.

Trippy Kim, Porcupine Mtns. Then & Now

Kim Porcupine Mtns. 2007

Photo Credit: Mike Hainstock
Kim at Tree Near Presque Isle River, Porcupine Mountains 2007
Size: 18/20

Kim Porcupine Mtns. 2009

Photo Credit: Mike Hainstock
Kim at Tree Near Presque Isle River, Porcupine Mountains 2009
Size: 9/10
Weight Loss: 47 pounds

Kim Tai Chi, 2007

Photo Credit: Mike Hainstock
Tai Chi Kim at Presque Isle River, Porcupine Mountains 2007
Size: 18/20

Tai Chi, Kim 2009 (500px)

Photo Credit: Mike Hainstock
Tai Chi Kim at Presque Isle River, Porcupine Mountains 2009
Size: 9/10
Weight Loss: 47 pounds

Final Stretch…

photo by Mike Hainstock

This is a photo of me on the final stretch of the Crossroads Challenge held at the Blueberry Ski-Trails at M-553 and County Road 480 (Marquette/Sands). The race was June 6 and I ran a 37.8 minute 5k. I had run a road race on level ground in May and had a 39.95 time. This course had up and downhills and was a trail run. I cramped terriblly 1/2 way and had abdomen cramps until evening (on and off). But I improved, I finished. I will run again soon. Today I weighed in at 161 pounds (down from 198).

Hovering–Between the YMCA Scale and Mine (174.2-175.8 lb.)

When taking part in a weight loss program it is good to remember your upcoming weigh-ins and not to go out to eat twice the week before. This led to some panic for me and I limited my food over one day (in interesting ways over the course of a day) in order to ge an okay result. Yesterday, I stepped on the Y scale at 6pm at a weight of 175.0 (no change from two-weeks before).

The home scale weighs me heavier than the Y by about a pound and a half. So this morn. I am 175.8. My low since this adventure began is 174.2. Let me tell yu what a joyous day that was! I was past this 175 pound miracle milestone. Yet, I had not idea it was a milestone until I was under it. Somehow at under 175 I felt skinny (smile, giggle).

I was very disappointed by an injury over the last couple weeks. Tendinitis type issues with bursitis in my right knee and iliotibial band syndrome which is common in runners who up their mileage too fast. Or with me, add in some job strain, tripping over something, and the fact that I have inflammatory issues from time to time. It all resulted in a week and a half out of the gym. I should be overjoyed with maintenance with the weight. It wasn’t easy to rationalize or even be logical though.

What helped was viewing some of my old posts. Like last year when I hung my first show and the weight and sight of my big buddha belly pushing out of a form fitting white sirt (oh what was I thinking in wearing THAT top!).

Body awareness if odd, now. I do not know myself right now. I will catch a glimpse and o who is that. Or I will get super-critical of ow weight is coming off in one area and not another. I marvel at who lies underneath the weight. As my overall health improves, like not needing my inhaler, more energy, I think miracles are possible. I am getting back into energy healing.

I used to practice reiki, la-ho-chi and massage. I am remembering, reconnecting with that Yoda type energy that is available to all of us. When I had chronic fatigue years ago it helped to visualize myself as an Etch-a-Sketch and letting pain and dis-ease filter from my body like the lines on an Etch-a-Sketch screen being shaken and erased.

Due to my past health issues, and the new challenges I am putting my body thru, night time is often like being in a “training room” muscle massage, heat wraps, cold packs, supplements clutter the coffee table as I address inflammation and nurse myself. I am also using visits to a chiropractor (Doc Craig Thomas) and my massage therapist (Erik Winkelmann).

Slowly, things improve. Sometimes there are setbacks. There are victories.

Kim’s Power Foods:Go-to Grabs

My go-to power foods are easy to grab, pack, and quick to eat. As a Community Living Specialist I cannot always take breaks when I want. This can throw off my eating patterns. I portion out and plan ahead. Here are some of my stand-bys.

Stonyfield Farm Organic Fat-Free Yogurt with Fruit on the Bottom

I like this yogurt for multiple reason. The consciousness of the company to provide a great healthy product and to better the environment. Two words Fat Free! This yogurt has vitamin d added and contains a blend of active cultures. It comes in a 6oz container. I mix this with an organic granola and add some nuts like almonds. Visit Stonyfield.

Quaker Simple Harvest All Natural Multigrain Instant Hot Cereal

This hot instant cereal is perfect for the person who hates to take a lot of time in the morning . I use two packets for a meal of 320 calories. It is proven that eating within 30 minutes of waking speeds your metabolism. My favorite is the maple brown sugar and pecan. Visit Quaker.

Breakstones’s Lowfat Cottage Cheese with Live Active

This cottage cheese comes in a 4 oz package (90 calories) and couples well with a cup of pineapple. Making a perfect go-to food for before workouts or mid-afternoon slumps. Visit Breakstone’s.

Weight Watcher String Cheese and Pink Lady Apple

The cheese stick at 60 calories also gives you 20% of your calcium for the day and 9 grams of protein to balance out your afternoon until dinner. Plan ahead if you’re going to have a late dinner. Combine protein with crackers or fruit so you don’t put yourself in a bad place.

Next week I will share my power foods that are not prepackaged and commercial products.

183.4 and Dinner

Saturday Night Dinner, photo by Kim Nixon

Today, I rearranged the living room which helped me add 45 minutes of heavy cleaning to my work-out log at the Biggest Loser Club online.

I also did an Ishpeming photo-shoot tromping through snow drifts. Then jumping jacks while uploading photos to my Flickr account.

My car broke down this week and it has been challenging to get my “to-do list” completed. But I managed to connect buses on Wednesday and get my registration in for the Biggest Loser at the YMCA in Marquette.

I am shocked at how the weight is coming off. Seriously, my metabolism hardly ever cooperates. But I am down to 183.4 on the scale. I feel more energetic even though my old injury is inflaming my muscles and causing pain (on a level of 1-10, perhaps a 5 or 6 by the close of the day).

This dinner was made with lots of goodies. I started off with olive oil, sliced garlic (lots), and two chicken breasts. In a separate pot I boiled whole wheat noodles. To the pot with chicken, I added baby carrots and cooked until somewhat caramelized adding slight bits of organic free-range chicken broth. Then came the red peppers, broccoli florets and black olives. After draining the pasta I added to the stir fry to mingle, along with a bit more chicken broth. Seasonings included: sea salt, fresh grnd. blk. pepper, garlic and onion powder, lemon peel and basil. The amount of pasta was one uncooked cup. Mike and I had leftovers from this meal.
saturday Night Dinner, photo by Kim Nixon

Coffee Can Inspires in Early Morning

This morning I woke early and made coffee. I opened the can and the rich aroma and beautiful grounds inspired me to proclaim what a wonderful rich country we live in. I was happy. I had woke before Mike as the plan was for me to ride share with him. We would drop my car down the hill first. You see, my coolant-light keeps coming on, my service-engine-soon-light started flashing. I thought stuck thermometer.

I was wrong. Blown head gasket.

1500 hundred dollars.

Angst. Shock. Awful dread.

I have so many plans to start off the new year. The night before I ran my budget and it is tight, too tight. I was trying to see where the abundance was going to come for me to join the Biggest Loser at the YMCA. I was trying to see how to pay down my debt. I was trying to see how I could upgrade my equipment. I was already feeling nervous. But I have a plan.

Part of that plan is a group of friends will be reading “The Wealthy Spirit “by Chellie Campbell. Many of my actions in ths new year are to center on Abundance of  spirit, health and wealth.

Today I felt tested. My toe is twice the size it ought to be–kinda makes foot power difficult. It also makes this whole weight loss and fitness thing difficult. Remember I also have an upper body issue from a car accident. I was already looking for pennies and nickels. Then the car.

It was a rough day.

But I have taken part in abundance groups before. I have seen the power of affirmations and goals come to fruition.

My toe, which I broke 5-years ago will get calmer. I will lose weight.

I can cut my spending and increase my earnings.

My car will get fixed, too.

I will learn to save money for a rainy day–well actually learn to double my efforts–I am already a saver with reserves to support my life…kind of.

Maybe I am being tested. But tomorrow I will have a can of coffee in my hands again. The aroma will greet me. I will head into my day with confidence and hope.

(At my weigh-in this morning I was 185.2 lbs. Another new low.)

-2° Clear Feels Like: -17°

Today I did not go for a walk. Blue clear skies and very cold! Yikes.

I did step on the scale today and weighed 186.6. Not bad as I had a couple slips during New Year celebrations. I am back on track but obsessing over weight, over how to keep going in the dead of winter. So, I dropped by my local YMCA ’cause I heard them advertise a program, The Biggest Loser!

Whoot Whoot! I am already motivated by watching the Biggest Loser on NBC. I pay x-tra careful attention to my food intake on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday as I weigh in, too! If the scale has not budged I grow pretty depressed with myself. Of course, I do not pull the numbers they do on the show. I am pleased if I have maintained or show a modest 1-2 pound loss.

The program at the YMCA runs from January 19- April 13. It would definitely get me through the dead of winter. The program includes guided exercise and nutrition programs. It also includes three 4-week personal training programs, phone calls during the week, motivational emails, and continuous support.

Problem/Challenges–I work on Monday nights. Praying my boss can jiggle the schedule. Finances. I need to apply for scholarship assistance or trim my monthly budget to make this happen.

Rewards–Weight loss. Steam Room and hot tub. Making friends who have a a common goal. A stronger back to handle my job better. Socialization to beat my winter blahs and Seasonal Disorder. Exercise. The excuse to buy new clothes as I lose weight.

For a blog-post on Confidence and Seasonal Affective Disorder visit, A Winter Journal:  Notes from the Upper Peninsula

Weight Loss–189.8 and Dropping

It was April when I last posted on my weight loss efforts and then I was 190 pounds. I backslid over time. My arm acted up and kept me from exercising. I grew angry. I stopped weighing myself and then a couple weeks before Thanksgiving, I stepped on the scale and saw a very scary 198. I hated myself.

4 days this week I weighed in at 191, and then 190 and now 189.8. I weigh myself in the morning. I am eating 3-4 meals a day and a healthy snack. I do jumping jacks and shadow box during commercials when I watch the Biggest Loser. I pre-pack and pre-portion my meals for work. I am never without fruit.

I feel re-committed. I do not want to look like a fat pigeon in winter with puffed out feathers, living desperate for warmth and food. I am making my magic here.

Note: I found a tool at http://www.startmakingchoices.comthat allows you to put in your zip code, zoom in on the map, and plot out your walk giving you mileage on your walk.

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