The month of December was the most challenging month of 2012 for me and my families. After wok on December 30th I took to the deep woods for renewal and although the light was low I captured this image of reflection on the Dead River in Marquette, Michigan. I tromped thru the snow and reconnected to my soul.
Events have caused some energy leaks in my spiritual sheath, often referred to as our aura. At the end of the work-day (at what I refer to as my day-job), I’m not happy with the person I was during that 8 or 12 hour shift. It has brought me to my knees in tears. I keep bargaining with myself that I can do this, and over and over again I find bitterness poisoning the positive and healing I strive to be.
In reflection, I know where I’ve been and where I long to be so I am looking around the bend in the river. My theme word for 2013 is Transcend.
Driving home from a 6-day vacation in Minnesota I realized just how healthy and relaxed I felt. I never had a panic attack. I never broke out in a rash. I had taken the time to do daily tasks such as fetching water and wood. Slowing down the movements of my life and being present in each moment I allowed for the surprise of beauty to present itself around every corner. But most importantly I did not have to live up to anyone’s expectations of me.
I am happy with who I am. I love me. The man I travel with is an easy traveler and my best friend.
I know who I am. At that moment travelling in the car back to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan I tuned in deeply to the “place” I found within me, to the awarenesses that had surfaced.
I vowed to rebuild a life that nourished my soul, mind, body!
(more to come)
After yesterday’s Wishcasting Wednesday post I was able to get the courage to register for my race. Then I felt a click! I felt rooted.
I’ve been letting the wrong people have power in my life–The naysayers who question and judge what I am about.
I much rather be in the company of people who smile and say DO IT! I love positive people.
I spent today getting rooted.
- Proper rest, 9+ hours.
- Attended a gentle and restorative yoga class.
- Shopped at a resale store for beauty & colorful clothing.
- Purchased a red shirt–root chakra color :-)
- Roasted potatoes, golden beets and carrots.
- Spent the day in quiet stillness, homemaking.
- Worked on the next full-moon vision board by paging thru magazines and gathering images that inspired me.
I am prepared to make the changes in my life for me to succeed in a life of health, wealth, and beauty.
The roasted veggies started with six small golden beets which I peeled and quartered. 4 Medium sized red potatoes. A heaping handful of baby carrots. 1 onion. Minced garlic and ginger. And fresh snipped flat-leaf parsley. I tossed it all in extra virgin olive oil and roasted slow in a 350 degree oven. I should have broiled them a bit at the end to brown them up some, but they were delicious and needed no salt. The ginger was zippy and the minced garlic crunchy goodness.
What treasures do you wish for?
Diagnosed with Celiac Disease in 2010, during what some call Spring and we in the Upper Peninsula call Winter, I felt cursed.
As a teenager, I had endless infections: tonsillitis, bronchitis, and pneumonia. I was told I had IBS in my 20s. My doctor told me I had Chronic Fatigue in 2000.
In 2004, I had to close my massage due to a slow to heal injury.
I had to walk away from my next job as well.
(You get the idea).
My list of symptoms, long.
My list of options, short.
Today is a new day. Thanks to a clear diagnosis.
Each day I feel stronger. I find more mental clarity. I feel nourished. My endurance is wonderful. I’m not fatigued. Healing is such a blessing. I am looking forward to the day I reopen my practice. It might be a slightly different plan, but I’ll get there!
The treasures of this life come from the experiences that have shaped my reality and views on life. Healing is a daily event. We are active participants in the process. We have to be. It is the way to discover the course of action, navigate the ups-and-downs, and make it to the next shore.
My 4-year-old grandson likes pirates. I like sword fights. We are caught up in the possibilities of the open sea, treasures, and spitting into the wind. I think he and I really do believe we can fly. He takes a leap off the bed. I take a leap from one point to the other (quite frequently), too.
Funny that I bring up pirates? (Raise of my eyebrows.)
We steal moments of truth and freedom between the hard spots, the diagnosis, the somewhat pessimistic comments of doctors and others. We have to see the gold sparkle as the healing surfaces like a treasure in a deep cave filled with tide. It is the patience and the make-believe that keep hope shining.
I see abundance in a chest of experiences and creative projects. I see it in the touch of hearts and hands. Deep in that chest of treasure are smiles, hugs, and laughter. Deep Comforts!
Will you sail with me?
(Stay tuned for new adventures with Create with Kim!)
When you travel far from yourself, what brings you home? How do you keep your living authentic? And when you journey away from your soul how do you step back and regroup?
I’ve been working at moving back toward myself.
Yoga brings me to the now and I root myself to the earth and breathe. I become aware of the sensations in my body, where I am holding tension and fear. Here I can coax myself to let go.
Sometimes our gaze on the world can be rushed, skewed, fractured, but we must still ourselves to look.
There is always hope between light and shadow. Or as yoga teaches us in that small pause of breathe between inhale and exhale.
The sky today as I took the long way home from the chiropractor. I’ve spent a small fortune over the last 4-weeks just trying to let go of panic and pain. I try to tell myself I am right where I need to be. I am trying to let go of pain, worry, anxiety. I feel best out-of-doors. There I can breathe a little better. I hate to whine. But I hate feeling alone with the unknown as well. So forgive me. And instead join me in creating release of dis-ease. Today, I am peeling back the layers.
This is my first time participating in WishCasting Wednesdy with Jamie Ridler and I am excited (see Kim smiling). I believe strongly in the power of intention. Once upon a time, I wanted to go to massage school. I had no idea how I would afford school but the intention was set in motion by cleaning out a spare bedroom in my home and buying the first set of sheets for my massage room. I understand the sky is the limit!
My wish this Wednesday is to develop the perfect wellness plan that will fit with the time and scheduling of my “day-job” which can be 7-days a week and any of the three shifts. My plan will include:
- Partners and supporters I want my journey to include community
- Weight training
- Tai Chi
- Farmer’s Market
This will help me have more consistency, move me toward my goals, and help my immune system to heal. And yes, I want these to be weekly events.
I’m blessed to live in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and to have The Wilds so readily at hand. Saturday I worked a 3pm to 11pm shift followed by the morning shift on Sunday 7am-3pm. I only managed 4 hours of sleep between the shifts. I think I surprised Mike when I came home and said, “Grab your camera–let’s go!”. So Sunday, around 4pm we headed out, guided by our intuition, and landed down a gorge near a waterfall in Fairyland where I fell in love with this tree. I could have taken a nap and listen to it whisper secrets!
Sunshine is like the equivalent to “the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down” allowing me to sing in the face of negativity and danger! And I’ve been focussing on spreading joy and disconnecting from the negative that tries to swamp us down. Imaging and Imagining the life I want to lead is key!
Blossoming and branching and keeping that sense of discovery is important. What will sparkle in the sunlight under trees near flowing waters? You’ll never know unless you venture down into the gorge. Facing fears and trying new things isn’t so bad. The last time Mike and I visited this particular bend in the Carp River I was very afraid to walk over a log bridge. My fear of heights and falling so irrational. The creek is really only a foot or so deep, come on fall in I dare ya! (I can laugh now). I walked over it twice with ease on Sunday. Magical!
I am forty-seven and it is a magical age. I’ve having another spring and I can unfold, blossom, soak in sun, and enjoy the wind. I’m going to grow, heal, learn. I feel like singing often. I listen to my intuition and I can hear the little magical beings of the deep forest calling.
It has been a week of muscles spasms and no exercise accept for a 90-minute restorative yoga class at St Paul’s in Marquette. I did not even feel like taking photos today. I just felt like crying. Thank goodness, I am blessed with a man who can lay beside me until I calm.
I chose a different adventure. To the Marquette Food Co-op for dinner fixings and a trip to Every Day Wines for a bottle of wine.
I know nothing of wine. I am nervous it will make my condition worse. But I am hoping, too for a bit of relaxation.
My muscles spasms have raged this week, at times incapacitating me. Then sometimes they are just annoying. I almost cried at the Marquette Historical Center when I was up on the second floor trying to shoot the dome straight up and a lean to the railing almost dropped me to my knees.
My legs are even sore. (They were not the week I ran three times.)
The cramps and spasms started Sunday (today is Saturday) on the trails of Presque Isle. My body had gone into a fit. I call these flare-ups. I hurt from between my shoulders, to my toes.
Some weeks I can run 3 times for a total of 8-9 miles, go to yoga, help with a special needs swim, and hike. I can shovel snow. I can do my job with ease. Then the next week a flare has me in its grip. All I can bring forth are tears.
I thought long today on “nests” and “nesting” how I wanted to be cradled and lulled.
Some may ask, “Kim, why are you writing this and why so negative?”
It is not that I am trying to dwell on the negative, it is that I am trying to cope and in a way examine the “messages” I am suppose to be receiving in my recovery.
I know I am more than my body. I know this.
Is it wrong to love the feeling of flying thru the woods on a trail full of roots and rocks. To feel the wind rush past? I think not.
Tonight I pray for healing. Understanding.
I cannot get my mind around the idea of acceptance.
Some people are worried about the birds falling from the sky. It’s a sign! But others are more worried about making it through winter with a warm home and dinner in the oven. I am grateful to put gasoline in my car and drive to work at the group home and my opportunity to earn a paycheck. There was no yoga this week as the church is holding, “Room at the Inn” here in Marquette, Michigan, churches rotate taking in the homeless during winter months. You can volunteer or donate.
I’ve been ill. I don’t hide this but I do not wallow in it. I keep fighting. I try to get well. I even gave up a full-time position on afternoon shift so I can get better rest during the week. Winter is hard and I ache. I am not sure this is just, Celiac. It might be something, else.
I’m trying to live an authentic life that fuels me, heals me. I am getting more involved with my healing. Yes this means paying the bills, slowly. But the rest I am getting is good. I am getting back to creating and focussing on earning a living through what nourishes me. I want to be well enough by spring to help out at a local farm, too.
Please check out my Etsy Store, Create with Kim! I have posted new items and there is more to come.
And if you live in Marquette, consider supporting local art by visiting, Zero Degrees Artist Cooperative and please add us on Facebook.
So here we are, 1.3 degrees farenheit this fine Upper Peninsula morning. I am armed with PhotoShop and LightRoom, laptop, lap blanket, warm fuzzy slippers in pink. I am seeing changing times. I like what I see. Boldness. Daring. I am leaping out of boxes and into the world of creation. This week is better than last.
How are you getting through winter? How are you making it better?