Create with Kim!

Each Wednesday, I participate in a gathering of women who believe in making wishes and taking steps to achieve their desires. This week Jamie asks, What do you wish for your health & wellness?

I’ve set many goals and some I feel were such a stretch that I cannot possible make it to the goal. I want to believe. But I have fears that I cannot physically get there with my body, health, and my “diagnosis.”

I start to feel strong and then another setback comes in, and another. And the hurdles seem taller and taller.

Within the space of 5-days I was glutened twice (Celiac). I missed a week of exercise and a week of physical therapy. The arthritis in the ball of my right foot screams at me as I change my footfalls to a forefoot landing (heel striker). My knee and hip feel strong running 1 mile.

My goal is to run 13.1 miles on Grand Island. I need to register for the event. I need to do so, now.

I worry what people think. I worry what I think. I worry that I may be throwing my entry fee and an extra ferry pass out the window. (want Mike to come with me)

I try to bolster my faith and my self-esteem by saying the woman in the picture who is smiling ran a 10K (1 day prior) on a tough and highly technical trail. That the woman was once afraid of heights and is in a lighthouse, outside, high-up, leaning on the railing with wind blowing. That woman ran a race with a taped-knee and then hiked waterfalls going down stairs backwards (knee pain after race) because she is determined to enjoy life.

Today, (6-months after the photo was taken) I look in the mirror and I am fearful.

I want courage. I need stamina. I need to eat clean. Drop 10-20 pounds. I need to take my recovery seriously. I need to run that race. I will run that race. I will run that race. I will run that race.

My wish is that I continue to grow strong in body, mind and spirit so I can reach for my dreams and goals.

(roughly written)

I am in the midst of dishes, laundry and packing for an overnight camping trip in our new/used 8-foot pop-up camper. It was raining this morning, but I am hoping for good weather tomorrow. I have a 3-day weekend that starts tonight (Friday) after my 3-11pm shift. I plan to hit the Marquette Farmer & Artist’s Market and pick up some Vegan Gluten-free bread from Sinfully Seductive Sweets.

So I am finding myself all in list mode, plan mode, and Capricorn all biz-E-ness modes and the last thing on my mind is opening to a stream of consciousness writing drift.

For those of you in creative-mode, I will insert a photo.

I always pack too much, now we have a smaller camper and a smaller vehicle, and really, the important thing to me is dry clothes, memory cards and batteries. Oops hold on must load the battery charger. Be right back. (Reminder to self pack less!)

I’m back. Another set of batteries are charging for the camera.

And I am thinking I ought to do some yoga. Be right back!

Okay changed loads of laundry, took compost out to big bin, and packed shoes. Hope you are enjoying the randomly chosen photos from this week.

Yesterday, yes let’s back track now, I went for a run. It was my first run since June 3 and the 5K race that I miraculously came in third, seventh overall. It was a trail run on the south Marquette bike trails on National Trails Day.

Since this fall, my body does not do well with impact. The symptoms started sketchy at first back in September, maybe even August. I would go for a run and spend hours on the floor with fists shoved into my gut. Part of this was gastric and part was spasm.

Now, if I run on too hard of surface, too fast, or on a downhill I end up with terrible pain in my right side. A spasm that feels like it is bruised intestines and part a reacting psoas and illopsoas muscle. Needless to say I am cautious. I always fear running before a work shift. I like a good 12 hours from end of run to the next time I have anything planned just in case. And I like to have the money in the bank to see chiropractor, massage therapist and or physical therapist—just in case. But I LOVE to run!!

I had some creepy tightness last night as I attended the Healer’s Coffee at L’ Attitude in Marquette, but ti eased and today I am just dealing with neck and shoulder stiffness. I am pleased.

I ran 40-45 minutes at Lil Presque and Songbird Trails for what felt like 4 miles. But since my average seems slower than that these days it was probably only 3.5 miles. I did a fair share of cool down and I was a very relaxed gal yesterday.

I am on the mend. My intestines seem to handle impact better whether from exercise, or when I get gas attacks—the next day I do not feel so bruised.

I know most of this post fits into the RunningMarquette.com or Enjoy Life Free blogs but I am meeting my commitment and making multiple posts all over the Internet is not possible today as I have to pack. Go to bank. Hit the co-op. Fold more laundry. Pack my dinner for work.

So at roughly 568 words, I am outta here. I will be doing Yoga in the woods tomorrow! I will have Mike take photos, too! Look for updates on Blog late Sunday night or Monday.

January has me embracing change and releasing the ego. I was going to set out on this new decade a warrior ready to race and push my body to extremes. I set goals. Cleared weekends to train. Then my body, (50 pounds lighter than the past decade) said STOP. You must rest. And I am learning to listen to the body. At, first I wanted to react with fear, and as a victim. But I remember the feeling of freedom as I hiked and ran on trails this summer and promised my body I would get back to that.

Yesterday, with the theme of Body, I headed out on a gentle camera walk around Marquette, Michigan with camera. I kept facing disappointment as the images were not coming. My body was tired. My mind was tired. I was heading back to the car when I saw her in a window. She was surrendering with joy to the street to the snow to her life. A poster in a window. Reflections. Color. I found HER! And she spoke to me as a sign of hope. That I, too, can surrender with sweetness and find some rest in January.

I know I can eat a bit less. I can eat clean. I can still walk. And my PT says I can even swim with just my arms (breast stroke) using a pull-bouy between my legs. I can use arm bike’s. I can continue this path and it is all useful knowledge that I can share with others facing injury.

Due to the nature of this post I am cross-posting to both Create with Kim and Running Marquette.

Photo: Before the Fall(z)

Visit http://www.runningmarquette.com for story.

That’s right I have another blog at www.runningmarquette.com the blog covers my experiences as a runner and welcomes guest bloggers and cross blog posts. I include many photos of the trails in the Marquette area and hope to expand to the Upper Peninsula as a whole. The photos, below, were taken along the Dead River after my run today. It was a cold morning! Oh and I hit 50 pounds of weight loss today! I now weigh 147.2 :-)

I love that feeling of openness. The little voice in my head said quick turn here and I pulled into the parking lot near Viosport and walked to the back up a parking ramp. There I was surprised by my reflection. I am still getting used to this “me.”

When you have been overweight for over 2 decades. You are shocked looking at photos of the heavy you. I liked to think of myself as the Young Kim at her ideal weight and was always shocked at photos of the Heavy Kim.

Now, I am shocked at the Skinny Kim, cause she is not that teenager at her ideal weight. I am a mature woman, a grandmother, and fit. It is all a bit surreal.

This week I’ve been suffering with muscle spasms, misalignment, and terrible pain. That does not mean I sit still easily. It meant I had to cut back o my training for the Turkey Trot, where I am hoping to still compete in my first 10k run. I have turned to medication coupled with chiropractic care and physical therapy. As I do this I have turned to walking. I walk whenever I can. This morning Mike and I walked the Noque–a route I normally run. But this took us off path from time to time. I learned to pause with camera in stillness at the sights I normally run past. I even climbed an out-crop of rock I have affectionately called the Dino or Steggie. My photos today show curves. I find this new.

Winter preparations continue today in Marquette. No snow remains on the ground and it was a lovely day on Presque Isle. I was procrastinating and getting a clearer mental focus. Fresh air and exercise will do that. I am taken in by tables, park benches, and seating. I know soon enough snow will keep us from the joy of sitting and watching runners, bikers, and rollerbladers. A tinge of melancholy yesterday and today had me in an awful funk. Sometimes change comes at you so fast it is hard to adjust yourself. Last night I ended up under the covers, crying. I managed to slow the world down just enough last night to make myself even more upset. But today’s procrastination was more positive a 55 minute run and a walk-about with camera afterward. Not what I was suppose to be doing–but it was doing!

I will not be a fat pigeon in winter! I exclaimed on December 3rd, 2008. I had already been dieting since the week before Thanksgiving. But that image of fat pigeons puffing up their feathers sticking close to their food source made me think of how uncomfortable I felt when bending over my own belly to put on my boots. How much easier winter would be if I stayed inside? But that mentality did not fit my future vision of myself.

I had dreams of traveling in foreign countries taking photos and writing inspirational articles, filled with hope. My bucket list had the dream of kayaking with whales in the Pacific Northwest. I now had a grandson to chase. The echoes of winter is as good (or fun) as your gear haunted me. Yeah right! But I cannot even hook my feet up to my snowshoes without Mike’s help. Humiliated. I hated that.I vowed to see my feet again with ease no matter how many layers of clothing were needed to ward off the cold.

I Lost 45 @ 45! In fact I have now lost 46 pounds. And I think it might be possible by December 3rd to lose 50. The weight comes off slow now as I am building muscle mass and definition. I have gone from a tight fitting size 18 to a comfortable size 10. I’m still shrinking.

Weight loss and fitness is expensive. I have shrank thru wardrobes of clothes and every couple of months I have bagged up the cast-offs for Vinnes and Goodwill. All my gear, including backpacks, no longer fit. I have shelled out money just to run 5k races; something I can do around Presque Isle on my own everyday. But I vowed not to be a fat pigeon in winter.

Lots of people ask, ”How’d you do it?”

The next phrase no mater what my reply is, “I can’t do that ____________ (fill in the blank with reason).”

I am not an athletic trainer. I am not a dietician or nutritionist. I am simply one motivated woman who was sick of not living fully. I, too had the same excuses.

• I just have a slow metabolism…
• I don’t have the time…
• I dont’ have the money…
• I have other people to cook for…
• I have an injury…

I had to face all my excuses and find a way around them. I had old injuries, and new injuries. Yet, somehow this time around. Nothing de-railed my efforts. At the Holistic Health Fair I will talk about making change happen, making goals a reality, and how my journey got me to a size 9/10. I am calling the talk “I Lost 45 @ 45!”

The Fall 2009 Holistic Health Fair will be held Nov 7th 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. at UpFront & Co. in Marquette Michigan.

Thoughts on Wednesday Night

As I run thru the forest I comment that I am not my injury anymore, and I explain to Olivia who is running with me what meaning I put behind those words.

I used to be all about my wounds. But after loosing 45+ pounds and becoming a runner I am not about my injury. That victim-sense has lifted. Small successes have built upon each other and my foundation feels strong.

Yet, in the same thought I can admit that my arm/neck/shoulder have a disability that challenges my activities. I can accept those limitations and realize that for nearly 7 years I’ve coped, changed, and adapted. I can learn modalities and address the pain and discomfort. And you know what, I can still get upset at a migraine or spasm without it crushing me.

And I did, let that injury crush me. I was afraid. The physical pain coming so soon after a divorce, the worst emotional pain of my life was too much and it brought me to ruin.

But I am finding myself in the midst of challenge(s) and being in a safe relationship allows me to rediscover.

This photo can be viewed Large.